"Fair Warnings" are Not Actually all that Fair

Hi, Internet. I can tell this is going to be a fun experience and that my crippling self-doubt or paranoia will not affect me in the least, especially since I just spent the last three and a half hours talking to one of my online friends trying to figure out a good name for my blog so that people will read it and give me attention because I am an attention whore and I would shrivel up and die if people didn't like me or thought my blog's name was stupid and didn't make any sense.

Oh wait, I think I sabotaged myself. I also just wrote a run on sentence.

Oh well, I will just have to console myself with four hours of Real Housewives of New Jersey and an entire bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Maybe even a silly hat.

I'm pretty sure there was a purpose to this post other than letting you know about my disgusting dietary habits and obsession with reality television, but now I can't remember it and keep thinking about how great the word "anyways" is for changing the subject.

Anyways, I think that more women would get into watching football if they enjoyed corn chips and bean dip as much as I do, which I have been told by my boyfriend is not a healthy breakfast but I don't believe him. He says ice cream is out for breakfast as well.

Clearly, the man cannot be trusted.

Okay, I just re-read the title and remembered that I was supposed to warn you guys about something. Maybe it was about sharks.

In case it was about sharks, you need to know that there are almost 400 different species of shark and that they can hear sounds up to 700 feet away. In fact, there is probably a shark listening to you right now because they are also well known for planting bugs and wiretapping.

They also are trained from birth how to seek out criminals who flee from the country and extract information from them.

Wait, I think I'm thinking of Matt Damon.

But at least you're now well informed in case he comes after you the next time you were enjoying yourself at the beach. However, being well informed will probably do little to protect you from the fact the it is Matt Damon and that he knows everything about you ever and will hunt you down if you try to run because no matter where you go he's going to get you.

Oh god, now how am I going to sleep?